I have been through hell and back in the last few months. I lost myself, my grandmother, my husband (almost, and maybe still), and the rest of my immediate family (save one sibling). Family secrets, trauma, bullshit, and the mourning process (both for my marriage and for my grandmother) shattered me. I fell completely to pieces… but I think that’s the only way I can put myself back together again.
I am on a journey with myself to myself, and I don’t really know where it will end. But I’m ready to go. I am in the Fuck off phase right now. Doing what I want for me and what I need. Trying to discover who I really am by doing what I want and not what others expect from me for the first time.
This is both terrifying and elating all at the same time. I hope the flames burning around me keep me warm on the cold nights ahead. The only thing I know is all signs point to being at the beginning of the process… I’ve got a long way to go before I am me.